So it turns out, self-care for me ended up being Exercise, Sleep, and Diet, with an emphasis on exercise. I decided to give myself the gift of health for my 50th birthday, which was back in January, so I started exercising. During January, I only managed 16 of 31 days during the month. For February, I exercised 18 of 29 days, and so far for March [as of 03/27] I’ve exercised 24 of 27 days. I’ve gone from averaging 14 minutes of fat burn [moderate] activity level in January to 24 minutes average in February, and so far in March, I’m up to 33 minutes a day, with time in actual cardio [vigorous] level heart rate. This is crazy good for me, especially since I’ve hated exercise my entire life before now.

I feel better. The three days this month that I’ve missed exercising, I could tell a huge difference in my mood and mental health. I was grumpy and out of sorts, to say the least.

Endorphins are magnificent. 5 out of 5 stars. Highly recommend.

For sleep, I take medications to help with it. I have ridiculous insomnia and always have [like since I was five years old, which, if you’re doing the math, has been over 45 years. I tried to go without meds last night just to see if I could, but gave up at 12:30am when I realized I wasn’t going to fall asleep any time soon. It was frustrating. I ended up getting about 5 and a half hours of sleep last night, which wasn’t enough, but so far today, I’m doing okay. When I take my meds, I’m averaging about 7 hours a night, which is pretty good.

My diet has switched to mostly low carb with the occasional binge on Cap’n Crunch cereal because I’m basically a child in a 50 year old body when it comes to eating kids’ cereal right before bed. It’s become a strange ritual that I need to stop, so when I ran out of Cap’n the other night, I decided I wouldn’t buy any more. I’m working on my fitness level, but also my body fat percentage, and a bucket of sugar right before bed probably isn’t the best way to reduce that.

All of those things combine to make my life a little easier. My mood is better, my energy level is up, and my chronic pain level is holding steady with occasional days that are significantly better than usual. I’m hoping the good days start to outweigh the bad as I get into better shape.

I’ve also taken up a new hobby: anything to do with yarn. As in, weaving, knitting, crocheting, and any other yarn-art that comes my way. I’ve been channeling most of my creative energies into yarn stuff for the past few months, which is probably why I haven’t felt the urge to write much. That, and sometimes there’s so much going on that finding time to sit quietly in front of the computer isn’t very realistic.

The last, and arguably most significant thing is that I am in therapy. I’ve been in weekly therapy for several months now, and today we decided that I would drop to once a month and see how I do. I’m a little anxious about it, simply because I’ve gotten used to my weekly sessions and I have a really good therapist. As in, an excellent therapist. The best I’ve ever been to.

She practices a lot of different modalities, but the best one [at least for me and dealing with trauma] is EMDR. It’s been a life changing experience for me. I’ve processed and worked through a lot of things with her, and I feel mentally healthy for the first time in a long time.

My life has gotten challenging in the past year. My mom moved in with my husband and me last summer, and that leads to some pretty significant stress on occasion. I’ve needed coping skills and guidance from my therapist to deal with the difficult days with my mom. I still have days where I’m ready to quit, but overall, I’m doing a lot better than I was when she first moved in with us.

I’m not sure how much I’ll feel the need to write from here on out. It’s been a long time since I’ve even tried to write coherently, and I’m not sure I’ve managed very well today. I need to get back into practice, but I’m not stressing over it. If I feel the need, I’ll write something. Or maybe I’ll make something with yarn. Or exercise. I have a lot of good, productive options to choose from and I am in a far better place than I was.

I’ll see you when I see you. In the meantime, be well.